A few weeks ago, I thought about turning my signs from the universe into something. It was my belief, that this would be in the form of a meetup. I was, and am still, interested in meeting like-minded people so I tried to unite us together in some way.
My goal with this meetup was to find a few people (like 5-10) that would maybe give me some cool suggestions as what to do and try out. I knew that with all of my craziness at work that I wouldn’t be able to do much with the meetup, but I figured it could be something that I fill out over time (sort of like this blog). So I closed out the meetup excited that I made my first step in a positive direction.
Sometime during the next day at work, I go for a walk around the pond to break up my day. I look at my phone and it says, ‘someone joined your meetup!’. I was kind of surprised by that and I look to see who did. All of a sudden I have 35 people who are in this group and I start panicking a bit.
I start wondering, what am I supposed to do with all of these people? What do I even do for a meetup? Where do I start?
The next thing I see is my comments. I have someone on my new meetup soliciting 1 on 1 nude yoga and that causes a full-on spiral of anxiety. Now, I try to be pretty open-minded and mindful, but isn’t there a limit to some extent on those boundaries? But then again, aren’t I trying to break boundaries? What kind of hypocrisies do I have because on some level I am judging people who want to go fully nude and do yoga?
This is still an inner battle I struggle a lot with. I like where I am at. I find people that are skeptical but also curious to look a little deeper – just like me. It’s this duality between full-on ‘hippie’ or a full-on materialistic scientist that causes that struggle. Should I seek a balanced approach as I normally do? By seeking a balanced approach, do I limit myself from growing or learning more than I would by being more extreme?
Tough questions with no answer yet. All I know is that I deleted the meetup literally the next evening. The group did not even last 24 hours.
I realized that my first step is to step outside of my comfort zone. Part of my anxiety is that I am not a very social person. How can I expect to bring together a big group of people if I can’t go to some event (workshop or otherwise) and introduce myself to someone new? I think part of me was using this group as another excuse to just doing the work I need to be doing. I need to start living and doing the things I am interested in. I need to trust the universe that I will meet the people I am supposed to meet and form the groups I am supposed to form.
After all, that is literally how everything else in life has been so far… why would it change now?
