Karma is an interesting concept and has very different definitions depending on who you talk to. My old definition of Karma was this cosmic balance at play within the universe. If we did something good or bad at some point we would have it returned to us to balance the scales. I do not believe in this notion of Karma, though what I described above I would likely call the Law of Attraction. To me, the Law of Attraction can span lifetimes if we let it. For example, resentment is a very lasting emotion. I believe harboring resentments in this lifetime embeds itself onto our soul, much like a scar would. The difference is that we always have the possibility to heal these scars. If we do not, however, it can have that lasting effects that could span lifetimes. If there is someone you harbor resentful feelings towards, it will be more than likely that you will need to work with that person in the future to heal these resentments if you are unable to in this lifetime.
Before I provide an example of my own resentment that I was able to heal, I want to talk about the importance of expressing your feelings. When I was younger, I felt like I often could be the ‘better’ person by being as patient as possible and choosing a ‘higher’ road. Often times, this would mean that I would avoid my emotions in a conversation that happened in the moment, but then I’d dwell on it later. I’d get frustrated with what went down and often times feel as though I was being treated unfairly. The self perceived ‘higher’ road can be very dangerous. Many times that we deal with a conflict, there are two opposing viewpoints. If you have ever been a mediator between two people, sometimes it’s best to attempt to find a middle ground solution that works for both people. It’s easy to think that this would always be the right choice, but it might not always be so. Regardless of the three paths you take, each of them has their opportunities for growth and possibilities of regressing growth. It does not make you better or worse than another person regardless of which of these paths you take.
For me, taking a middle path and trying to be the ‘better’ person has had just as many dire consequences for myself as points of having better opportunity. My example goes around an issue that I had at work. When I first stepped into a bigger role, I went from having to support maybe 15-20 people to having to support over 60. That was a huge shock for me, especially because I was very much the type of person that wanted to sit over people’s shoulders and really help them figure out any issues they were having. Well one of the people I supported outside of the department, let’s call him Andrew, was notorious for asking for assistance fixing big issues.
I want to make it known how much I respect Andrew. He was essentially my same position (built for assisting people with issues) for another department. Often times, he’d request more from me than people in my own department and that became a tricky thing to balance. I wanted more than anything to help out, because I did feel bad for the issues that our department would cause for his department and working together is the best recipe for success. As a relationship, this quickly became one-sided. I never really needed any support from his side, but they needed it from me. I’d stress myself out and work later hours just to get what I needed done for my team and then also work on helping Andrew out.
One day, I remember trying to go out of my way to help an issue for what I knew would impact Andrew down the road, but when I reached out for help I did not get any in return. I was livid from that experience, and it soured every future interaction I had with him.
Fast forward to close to a year later, my friend and co-worker Morgan now was in a similar job role as Andrew. Andrew had moved on to a new role, so my interactions with him were far more pleasant since they were no longer demanding. Morgan began talking about an issue that had never been resolved by Andrew or myself. I was instantly triggered back to this time where I felt the one-sided relationship with Andrew, in which he would demand something. I almost instantly lashed out without really thinking. The silly thing about this, is it had nothing to do with Morgan at all. She is completely different than Andrew, and I knew that.
When I thought about it later, I realized that I never really got over that internal resentment. It was still a big part of me. I had since learned from a book that the only way to heal resentment or to avoid resentment is to express your feelings. Bottling things up is never a good thing. I think we all realize that, but sometimes it can be tricky. You don’t want to explode and go all out brawl at someone like your instant feelings could push you to do. At the same time, just growing silent and holding onto your feelings can be equally just as bad. There definitely needs to be a balance to find.
I did apologize to Morgan for lashing out, however I am very grateful for her teaching me this lesson. I do not regret the lashing out because it helped teach me a valuable lesson that I am not sure I could ever learn on my own.
