In a very interesting turn of events from my low yesterday, I woke up this morning (at 3:30 am) with a fire in me.
The lows that I hit are primarily driven by imposter syndrome, which is just the fear of being wrong. I also cater a lot to others’ emotions, which I saw play out yesterday as well. I say yes too much. I look for the common ground. While this is a strength, I shouldn’t let the weakness it brings drag me down either.
When I spoke to one of the leaders last night, we spoke about fearlessness. Not enough people can be fearless. This is a way of saying that not enough people can go for what they think needs to be done without remorse. I wasn’t able to move forward on my project because I was afraid of what it would do to cost, what it would do to relationships with the UK, or how that might impact the future of the project. I got too caught up in fear, and I got stuck. However, this is exactly why I like the theory of agile. It gives a method to be fearless. At least in my situation, fearlessness leads to empowerment and engagement, whereas fear leads to the opposite. I wonder if this holds true for everyone. It’s very easy for fear to demotivate and I think leaders have to develop an ability to quickly quell their fears to move forward. I need to consider that I do not think I’ll ever have my leaders frustrated with me for being too fearless. At least, I have not yet had a situation where they have, which should tell me I have pretty good senses for how to act.
While I was watching Harley Quinn the other night, I was introduced to being a B.I.T.C.H. Which says ‘Breathe, Identify the problem. Tea break. Consider your options. Handle it’. Combining the two ideas, I need to be a fearless B.I.T.C.H, and that is exactly what I woke up ready to do. Let’s see how long I can hold onto this fire.
