My current book, The Alchemist, is an interesting story that focuses on ‘omens’ and the power of the language of the universe to find our personal legends. One of my favorite lines that I just heard from this weekend is this:
‘Intuition is a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life. The histories of all people are connected and we are able to know everything because it is all written there.’
This aligned with my feelings about what intuition is and how I should go about listening to mine.
Since I applied for graduate school, I have been flip-flopping internally to determine what my decision is for going through this program. I was initially doing a ‘wait and see’ approach. If I didn’t get accepted then there is little point thinking about it. However, after applying, I did realize how important it is to consider this path in front of me. I need to make my decision because it impacts my next path regardless of if I get into this program or not.
My application currently cannot move forward because I was waiting on two letters of recommendation. These requests have been out for weeks now but no one had yet done the recommendation. My intuition told me that there was a deeper reason why I was waiting two weeks for the last recommendation to come in. I believe that it gave me the opportunity to decide for myself. Before today, if my application moved on and it came back as accepted I likely would have moved forward myself. Now, I am not so sure. I told myself that the recommendations would be ready for me once I had learned what I needed to learn from this lesson.
About a week ago, I asked the universe for a sign. This is something I do from time to time because I have witnessed that when I desperately need guidance, the signs do come forward. I asked the universe if I receive a caterpillar that would signify that this program is the correct path for me, but if I received a snake it would not be the right path. Yesterday, Caitlyn received her goddess package in the mail (similar to a loot crate). The theme this month was desert and she had this image that was on a piece of cloth. Surrounding the image was a big snake.
‘Okay,’ my skeptical mind said, ‘This could have been a fluke. I asked for that sign about a week ago. Maybe I missed caterpillars that were in front of me and forgot that I should be looking for them.’
I also got a package at the same time as this goddess package which was a Lokai tigers-eye bracelet. I am not quite sure if I believe that the two beads (black and white) do actually contain water from Mt. Everest and mud from the dead sea. Regardless, the duality idea (similar to yin and yang) is what drew me in. Synchronicity was at play because in The Alchemist the old man gives the boy one black stone and one white stone, Urim and Thummim. The idea is that the boy should use these stones to understand omens. He just needs to ask the universe how to interpret the omen and pull out the stones. If the answer to his question is yes, he will receive the white stone. If the answer is no, he would receive the black stone.
Similarly, I took my new bracelet and hid it from view. I moved it around so that I would not possibly know which of the two bigger beads I’d be touching. I asked my question, ‘Is this path for grad school for me?’. The answer was no. I asked, ‘Will I be accepted to the program?’, the answer was yes.
Ever the skeptic, I still did not necessarily believe this was true. So I asked for one more final sign. I asked my father to appear in a dream if the path was not the right one for me. I asked that my grandfather appear if it was the right path. Since I knew that my time was running short, I realized that Caitlyn may be more likely to receive the message in her dreams (or anyone else for that matter) than I would. So I kept the request to myself and did not share it with anyone as to not influence anyone having a dream. I intuitively knew if someone in my family received a dream they would share it without me asking.
As my day progressed, I continued to think about my path. I realized at this point that if I got into the program it would be easier for me to say yes than to say no. I would have a plan as to what my next path looked like and that was far more comforting to think about than not knowing what I should be focusing on. At the same time, three years is a huge commitment. I started thinking about these interactions with different people I have had recently. Earlier last week, I was able to have a Zoom call with my two high school friends. One of these two friends was the best man at my wedding. I do not get to talk to him nearly as much as I would like.
The best man was explaining stories about activities that he was doing and it just sounded like he was out interacting with lots of people (social distancing of course), but the point is that he was sharing his light with the world and getting a deep fulfillment. I felt a little inspired by him to get out and do more by interacting with more people than just being at work all of the time.
I truly have enjoyed focusing on my work because I feel like I get to meet other hard-working individuals and I get to talk with these individuals on a deeper level. That usually propels both of us forward, and that is a very rich feeling. Part of the excitement of the grad school program is that I could go further into my career and continue to meet these kinds of people, and the prospect of that is very exciting to me.
Through newer discussions with a colleague that I have begun to have deeper discussions with, I explained to her and myself that opening ourselves up to this other half of who we are (in this case my spiritual side) enhances the whole life. Additionally, in The Alchemist, the boy was about to give up on his dream to see the pyramids. He was about to go home when he realized he could always go back to being a shepherd. My intuition told me that I could always go back to my career. I have it for my whole life. Why do I need to accelerate this part of me now? Everyone says that this is the best time to do so because I don’t have the responsibilities of a family. That applies to everything though. I always give work the excuse to not allow me to seek more fulfilling opportunities outside of work. If I commit myself to three years of school work, I will be doing the same thing for years to come. I will not learn the boundaries I need to have a successful career and fulfilling personal life.
I am contempt with where I am at in my career. Maybe now is the time to start exploring other areas of me. This co-worker has also mentioned Reiki a few times. I felt the same draw to that as I did from the best man. This feeling of going to workshops and meeting other people and having new connections. In another discussion with the co-worker, we both recognized that we have the ability to always make our desires a reality. We know that as long as we put our minds to something, we will succeed. I can always come back to expanding my career. I can always go back and get a degree. It is time for me to learn lessons that I would have a harder time learning later in life if I do not learn them now.
This morning I woke up and Caitlyn turned over to me and said, ‘I had the craziest dream. We were at our wedding and your dad…’ that is really all I needed to hear. My dad sent me the message through Caitlyn and everything stopped in the world. Everything felt right and the path for me seemed to be determined now. I accepted it. I then opened my email and saw that my letter of recommendation was submitted, meaning that my application could move on to the next step to see if I get accepted or not. I learned what I needed to learn and now the application could move forward
I know that I will still struggle if I do get accepted. It will be a very hard decision to let go of the comfort of having a life plan, but maybe this is my lesson to learn. Maybe this is the first step in a direction that would bring me far more success and happiness than I ever could from this program. All I need is to trust myself and surrender to the signs of the universe.
Lastly, I decided to do a morning yoga with Caitlyn. She likes to draw a card from her Mythic Oracle deck of cards. I drew Hephaestus. While initially the card says ‘work’ on it. The entry in the accompanying book said the following:
“Hephaestus is a craftsman who imbues his work with love, and this is a creative time for you, so focus on crafting and creating true wonders in your life. This does not necessarily relate to just schoolwork, but also to activities, projects, and passions that you love and choose to put your energy into. Now is the time to pay special attention to the inspiration you are receiving… You may need to put in a lot of hard work, but you will feel passion and devotion to what you do.”
School work is such a choice word here. Why would it be school work? Why not career? Career is much more universal. Regardless, it was an odd way to sum up my past few days of thoughts.
