I feel like it is no surprise at this point that I think growth is the most important thing in my life. I recognize that this is an opinion and everyone’s life is different, so growth may not be the most important thing for everyone.
Regardless of what our core values are that propel us to become who we are, everything can be a positive or a negative. We require some sort of balance to stay healthy and happy.
I do not believe my pursuit of growth is destructive. However, I recognized how it could be. I was chatting with my co-worker Koh about life. I opened up a bit about my journey and my push to go to grad school. I was telling him how important growth was to me and how stress allows us to tap into who we truly are. It brings out the highest growth potential and that truly excites me. Before I knew it, I had written:
“I want to pile on the stress so that I can overcome and find my greatest growth.”
After I was rereading it again, I was shocked at what I sent. I just said that I want to face a meltdown just so that I can overcome it. I think I was surprised because part of my brain agreed that this should be what I do.
My dad also was a strong believer in the pursuit of learning. Before he passed, my mind was made up that my dad didn’t really have any hobbies to relax is mind to. He just loved working and putting his all into these ventures that all led to a specific kind of success to some extent. Landlord, entrepreneur, state representative. While these different hats all brought him joy, they were things that brought stress too. Maybe to some extent everything brings stress, even hobbies…
My main point is that when my dad died, I felt a shift to where my motives seemed to mirror his traits more than I ever thought they would. I recognized that while I walk the path to find my greatest potential, I do need to be careful that I balance myself.
With grad school and work taking such a big chunk of my energy, it is important that I balance it with other things that bring me joy. I need to focus on the purpose I search for growth and not just the fact that I search for it. My reason for growth, in terms of my career, is so that I can meet new people and learn from them. Work seems to be the easiest way for me to do that, and, because of that, I am pushing myself to work really hard to keep finding these connections.
I need to promise myself that I do not forget that this persona connection is the real reason I push myself. Isolation and focusing purely on myself is not what will allow me to find my potential. It is through growing myself that I connect with others. Through this connection I feel true joy.
