I remember chatting a lot with a friend about the importance of timing and how lessons tend to present themselves. She wisely pointed out that when Caitlyn and I got pregnant, it would be a combination of a lot of things or important lessons to learn. She was correct.
I wrote the following before Caitlyn went and got her pregnancy test:
I’ve had a strong feeling that this month would be the month. Mostly because I had a strong feeling this child was linked to October. I briefly thought this was when the child would be conceived, but it makes more sense that she would be a Libra – since Caitlyn, her mom, and her grandma are all Libras. There was also the dream that Caitlyn had around September last year where she had a dream about a wolf and how it related to the baby. Well, I interpreted that immediately to be a sign that we would conceive on the wolf moon. Which is essentially right when we did the IUI.
Yesterday, I was playing some games on my computer and all of a sudden this lightsaber shield we got for free from Starcruiser just turned on, even though the switch was off. I felt like it was a sign from the other side, but I didn’t know what. I originally thought it was my dad because I was told at one point that he’d be playing around with electronics (which is something attributed to spirits). Then I had a dream, that there was some sort of electrical failure in the car on the way to taking Caitlyn to the hospital to go into labor. So when I woke up, I realized that the original lightsaber shield was a sign from the child. I think she was saying that it was almost time and she was excited to celebrate the news with us.
It was also interesting the other day, Caitlyn mentioned this was the year of the dragon. Which made a lot of sense for the child to be born this year too. Because Caitlyn and her mom always have had connections to dragons. This morning, I went to put the batteries back into the lightsaber shield to see if it was still freaking out. When I did, I looked to the left, and hidden behind a shelf was a dragon egg from GoT that I bought for Caitlyn. The odd thing is that I was pretty sure Caitlyn and I decided to get rid of it (she thought so too), but something kept it here with us. Maybe we do have a baby dragon.
It wasn’t too much of a surprise when Caitlyn confirmed later that day. It’s interesting to look back on all the challenges over the past few years with this topic. At first, it was all about the lessons that Caitlyn and I needed to learn. At a certain point though, I took the new stance that it was for the kid to choose exactly when to come. After all, she/he chose us to be their parents. Things like this are especially planned because it’s so much more cosmic. Free will has some part to play, but the actual journey is very different – especially for the mindful. The people who emphasized signs, astrology, and significance make it so.
Caitlyn and I learned a lot of great lessons and our relationship became much deeper through this whole journey. I say that knowing that this is just the beginning. I am very excited, it’s not hard to dive into cleaning up my office space so that Caitlyn can move back so we can start prepping the nursery, even if it sacrifices my normal ‘recovery’ routine from working a lot. However, the idea of life outside of work is starting to breeze through my mind. What does that look like? For the past three to five years, it’s been non-existent. Which, looking back on, makes sense. However, play dates and school functions and being there for them like dad was for me is starting to shift me.
I knew this year would be about slowing down. Even though I don’t fully see it yet at work, I have started to feel that shift even before the news of this kid came up. I just have always felt that my next level of growth in my career would come once I have put less emphasis on it. Afterall, doesn’t it just make sense that I would become a better mentor, a better leader, by learning how to be a good father?
Each day, I get more and more excited.
